You know those days, when you step out of the house thinking this would be one good day, but it turns out to be entirely otherwise?
You have to go through almost every atrocious and ridiculous situation that your crooked mind can conjure up in it's wildest of day dreams, all your worst fears come to life and taunt you with that question, what if all of it descended on you, once and for all, what could you possibly do.
It could start with picking out the starched white kurta and churidhar, freshly ironed (after return trips to the dhobhi for the crease marks that were still visible under a lab microscope) and feeling undeniably crisp in it's sun dried freshness, paired with the perfect sandals only to step out into a rain that was ready to pour when you were five minutes from your office.
But you brave it with the thought that it's going to be a short dash before you reach the safe confines of your air conditioned office, but you are about to step onto that concrete after having jumped over and meticulously avoided the slush ponds between the unnecessary barricades on the road, and here comes superman on his bike, to save the day, but not your kurta and dips his bikes front wheel slowly into the little puddle beside the office gate just when you are close enough to get the slush splattered on your bright white churidhar and your sandals. He rolls off with an apology and you think what else could he have done, ridden on piles of gravel? He had nowhere to go but for that puddle. My bad luck really!
And then you rush to the office loo hopes of washing and drying your legs off with that dryer that is actually meant for your hand.
But you brave being stared at and after wiping off the dirt with a little water and tissue, lift your leg to the dryer and strike the awkward Ballerina pose, just to have the door of a cubicle open and reveal a startled, confused and amused, all at once, girl exiting, suppressing a giggle over what she just saw. And sigh helplessly, the leg still held up to the not-hot enough rush of air from the drier, while the girl rushes hastily to brag to her colleagues about it, or worse blog it!
You clean up and return to your seat wishing never to see that girl again for as long as you live and find that she sits, horror of horror 2 rows behind your seat.
You say, and all I wanted was a decent day! After much whiling away, scrolling documents you know nothing about up and down, it's lunch time. You grab your lunch and walk to the cafeteria, wave out to your gang of girls, they smile warmly back but the holmes in you just can't stop telling you 'May be they know of the dancing queen debacle?' You brush it aside and mumble a hello before settling down to eat. And one of them promptly points out, Wrong season for a white eh?
Yeah, the word has spread! And the other one whines continuously about the state of her visa application, to which you just have to be comforting. Another calls your most revered films 'dud', 'boring'...but it infuriates you more when they call it slow and worse confusing. And now you can't keep your mouth shut and say hey, that's a cult classic and is actually a most appreciated work. They stare. Oh Dear! And then impassively ask; 'Where?'. You say 'Here and there and around' (hoping they realise that you are quoting one such film), how were you supposed to be prepared to answer that?? 'Yeah right!' They drawl. Oh God! here it comes....'You know I can never get why she likes some movies that she likes'. You force yourself to shut up time and again, but then it does explode on their faces, 'Hey, it's a free country people!'. They laugh. 'hehehahahhohoho'. Ok, you've done enough damage to yourself, now just join in and laugh at yourself, we all know you are the one who runs the entire imdb, but just laugh now , please...will you? 'hehehahahhohoho'. Attagirl!
Then you get back to stalking wikipedias, music stations and again scrolling of documents. Finally, it's 5 and you start getting ready to leave, start saying your ta-ta bye-byes over the im, When your boss whom you wanted to put on the ignore list pings you and informs you that you have a call with some xyz at 6, 'can you take it today?'. You know she knows how jobless you are ad you can't possibly turn down the only little bit that is vaguely related to work, even if it is to arrive the moment you are about to step into the elevator. So you say, of course I would, as if you were born to do this. And stay back, putting your status as invisible on the im, just in case the coterie that you just bade ta tas found out. And finally when everything's done and dusted, it' 7, the house keeping folks want you to leave your cubicle, they want your dustbin that you have inverted and been abusing as a footrest. You see, they change the cover everyday, just in case you decided to miraculously drop some garbage in it. Of course they didn't know enough to collect the garbage from your drawer instead.
And when you finally when you are in the elevator, the workaholic, bespectacled guy enters (yeah one of those whom you said ta ta to over the im about 2 hours back) and smiles you a 'Isn;t that too late for someone as jobless as you? Why don't you get a broadband connection at home instead?'
uggghhh!
Okay, you take a deep breath, tell yourself, 'there's a whole 5 more hours of the day left. No worries!'
Your husband is there to pick you up. Sweet! You gladly sit at the backseat, and speed off, no puddles this time, the sun has been out all day long! You near home, and then there are these few heavy droplets on your hand. Oh Dear! It soon turns into a downpour. Oh God! 'You had to get the bloody bike. Whatever happened to that bloody car??' 'Stop swearing, we're almost there'. Shut up shut up....5 hours, just 5 more hours!
You are at the gate, you dog gleefully puts a paw on your dress, leaving a nice brown print, you scream at him. Hubby is in tow, says 'Open the door, I got him.'
You are finally in the safety of your house. Read the fridge for what could be the quickest dinner that can be made in...let's say 10 minutes?
he he, You ask hubby dear; 'Upma and sugar' 'Will do' God I love this man!
You chop up onions a la greased lightning, light the stove, put the wok and start frying the onions. You have the rava out into the container (it was a bit wet right, what the heck, we'll stir it in minutes anyway, no worries' And just when you thought everything was fine, the last remaining cylinder in the house runs out of gas. Damn!

'If anything can go wrong, it will'. Yeah, but sometimes everything seems to go awry, to an extent that you think the whole world is conspiring against you, wanting to bring you down, having that cruel last laugh. Everything, everyone, the weatherman, the biker, the blower, the girl from the cubicle, your 'friends', your boss, the nerd, your pooch and now good old LPG. It looks like it has been carefully plotted. But you tell yourself, don't be stupid. ha!

Labels: Why so serious?

Posted by Sat at 1:12 PM
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